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RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:50:10 GMT

[quote]endemoniada_88 (11/11/2009)

!

It's nice that the sweary filter even takes objection to a synonym for "donkey" - must make recounting Biblical parables quite tricky. Or, as it's a motorcycle site after all, mentioning that well-known Dutch race track (I'll be quite disappointed now if it does allow "Assen").[/quote]

It did! How strange. Mind you, I'm still laughing at the school that installed a content filter on its PCs used by pupils at the time of the US election campaign, and the kids found that any reference to 'Bush' was filtered out. Har har har.

I'm going to test it out (mild stuff only, keep your hair on):

Ass - ***
Arse - ****
Twat - ****
Pillock - pillock
Knob - knob
Willy - willy
Ladies' Naughty Bits - Ladies' Naughty Bits
Nipple - nipple
And, in summary:
Wankfest - wankfest.

There. I'll press 'preview' and see what gets through.

Haha - well, you know what you can get away with now.

Knobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknobknob!

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:53:49 GMT

It's nice that the sweary filter even takes objection to a synonym for "donkey" - must make recounting Biblical parables quite tricky. Or, as it's a motorcycle site after all, mentioning that well-known Dutch race track (I'll be quite disappointed now if it does allow "Assen").

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:48:38 GMT

endemoniada_88 (08/11/2009)Looks like every other Electra Glide made since 1826, but the flames just give it that hard-as-nails beardy Hells Angel look, don't they?

Nope. The words "tart's handbag" come to mind, though

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:32:17 GMT

It's getting to that time of year, where - for some reason not immediately obvious to me - Britain's premier bike show is held. In Birmingham. In November. It's almost as if they'd prefer it if nobody went. Still, 'tis an opportunity for the biking media to get quite excitable about next years new shiny stuff.

Points of interest, I suspect, should be the new Honda VFR1200 - billed as the ultimate Honda machine in terms of go-anywhere, do-anything techno-marvel. Given Big Red's track record in delivery of just that, they'll probably sell a billion of them:

Why they felt it ought to look like a BMW is anyone's guess, though. Think I prefer the looks (if, almost certainly, not the ride) of their previously US-only Fury, more prosaically named the Honda VT1300CX for the UK market:

It does lead me to question why everyone seems to be going to 1200+ cc engines these days. All about the numbers on the tank, perhaps? I like big torque as much as the next person, but it's not like a 1000cc bike is short of that. What used to be the exclusive preserve of continental tourers and the more ludicrous customs, now seems to be heading towards industry standard.

These chaps obviously want to buck that particular trend, with a lithium ion motor that delivers 100ft-lb of torque everywhere in the "rev" range. Officially the fastest electric motorcycle in the world (150.1 mph average at Bonneville), the Mission One sees a production run of 350 for 2010:

The price of saving the planet is, unfortunately, to be an object of public ridicule.

And speaking of which, here's a Harley. The CVO Ultra Classic with new, bad-*** colour scheme. Looks like every other Electra Glide made since 1826, but the flames just give it that hard-as-nails beardy Hells Angel look, don't they?

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:54:09 GMT

I'd like to see him do an "Apprentice"-style task selling it on a TV shopping channel!

From cruisers to racers, and what has actually been a uniquely unsatisfying racing season. It has been the worst I can remember for years, in all the major classes, for having very few realistic contenders ahead of a grid full of also-rans. For whatever reason, it's pretty much also been a Yamaha benefit, which could mean their cross-plane crank idea is a good one.

What it looks like to me is the relentless march of (expensive) progress taking bike racing in a depressingly Formula One-esque ever more machine-orientated direction. Not sure I approve, but, anyway, that's another subject.

Probably the closest and most interesting racing has been in the MotoGP support classes, where large numbers of no-longer-really-developed two-stroke buzzbombs have been battling away in old-fashioned may-the-best-rider-win form. Which makes it all the more mysterious that the 250 class will cease to exist in precisely one race's time.

The replacement Moto2 class will be a sealed 600cc engine provided by Honda and control Dunlop tyres. Teams will have a 650-euro limit on electronic aids and all-prototype frame and cycle parts. In other words, yet another variant on Supersport class rules. Whether it will be a successful format or not remains to be seen - although SS600s have had some very good series over the years - but, given the general dullness of this year's racing overall, it seems like a pretty big gamble.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:32:08 GMT

Major LOLs!

That description is so good, it could be a spoof. Next time I want to get rid of some old baggy t-shirts on eBay I'll ask him to write the description for me.

Cruisers, eh?

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 00:59:48 GMT

I don't think I could better the sales pitch of the seller:

Superb Black Leather Tank Cover for the legendary* Yamaha Virago bike. This beautiful and rare accessory is suitable for the 750 and 1100 models. Being an owner of this bike (I have the 1100 issue), I can guaranty you, hand on heart, that this beautifully crafted tank cover has increased the bike’s appeal considerably as well as provided protection for the paintwork of the tank. It’s quite practical too. I often use the pocket which is on top of the cover (look at picture) to store all sorts of things, mobile phone, paperwork, map or any other loose small items. The beauty of this clever pouch is that is detachable! Once the bike is parked, I remove it and clip it on my belt and again provides another clever way for storing and carrying loose items. Also Great as a gift idea!!! Increase the looks of your Virago with this practical and superb quality item at a fantastic limited time offer!!!

Yours for a mere £39.99 + £8.99 P&P. I do believe him when he says it has increased the bike's appeal - it must've pretty much doubled the value, for a start...

They also sell Star Trek woven shoulder patches, presumably to complete those essential cruiser accessories.

* Don't think my imagination has ever stretched to the use of "legendary" and "Virago" in the same sentence. I'm still not entirely certain I've grasped the concept.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 07:29:34 GMT

From the general leather'n'studs style, it's a cruiser accessory. The laces suggest it is worn on the body - arm or leg (no idea of scale from the photo). Other then that, NO IDEA! I could say it was a pouch for motorway toll coins exclusive to HD, $99.99, but that strange cut-out keeps puzzling me.

Awaiting enlightenment ...

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:02:08 GMT

Having mentioned eBay elsewhere, I just had to include this:

First correct guess wins the respect and admiration of their peers. Despite appearances, it is a motorcycle product, honest!

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:33:03 GMT

Love it!

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:48:14 GMT

I have to offer a trio of quotes regarding the Swedish ice speedway season that made me laugh out loud (http://www.travelintelligence.com/travel-writing/ice-racing-sweden):

"By a forest track near the Swedish village of Morgongava, Dr Rod Brooks, cardio-vascular consultant for the NHS and track doctor at Wolverhampton Speedway, was giving me a taste of the sort of exchange that takes place in his speedway circuit's first aid room, thus: "The first question they ask is 'how's the bike?' The second question is 'did I get in to the re-run?' And the third is 'where's my leg?'"

"All competitors have the same basic machine: a Czech-made single cylinder four-stroke Jawa with two gears and no brakes which runs on methanol and vegetable oil, producing a very fast burn and a trackside smell reminiscent of frying bacon and fireworks. Just getting it started requires heating up the cylinders with a blow-torch first, and between races the bikes are d****d with old duvets to keep them warm, like horses in the stalls."

"Back at the trackside, the eccentric Dr Brooks - a habitual pilgrim to Sweden during the ice-racing season - was happy to report that the races I'd missed had passed without serious mishap. No-one, he said, had 'got tetleyed'. I think he was referring to the number of perforations on the bag."

A sport for hard men with limited imagination.

Above, a pro tyre. Or, apparently, a lot of folks make their own using studs rather than spikes:

These come with the advice "NOTE: Make sure to mount your ice tires correctly".

No kidding...!

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:15:51 GMT

Hehe, well put.

I seem to remember reading somewhere that the ice racers (the 'speedway' type you mention) have the greatest lean angles in any motorcycle sport - like needing tank sliders, or something When you see those tyres close to, you wonder how the neck anyone dares go near them. They remind me of mediaeval torture implements. Imagine leading the pack into the first corner and then dropping it. You'd be leaking like a colander.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:56:51 GMT

I could go for that as a pastime...

Rather less appealing to the likes of us tarmac riders is the genuinely bizarre practice of ice riding. It may seem like a sensible idea if you're Canadian, or northern Scandinavian, perhaps: they do have quite a lot of the stuff and may as well make some use of it.

Three schools of thought seem to exist. The first is basically motocross on ice and snow, as in the French Pilot Bike series, supporting the Trophee Andros (car rallying on snow) championship:

The second is essentially ice speedway, run on a banked oval and with bikes that - apart from their unpleasantly spiky tyres - are pretty much the same as ordinary speedway machines. There are quite a few national championships running this sort of series:

Finally, and this is the bit where you wonder about sanity - there's the sort of home-made option (this is the sort of thing you find out by watching Motors TV late at night), where you find a nearby frozen lake and go and do this:

With your road bike.

There are a number of sites devoted to sage advice regarding setting up some ice races. There you will find helpful tips such as those that start: "Falling through the ice is always serious..".

If there are two things you can always rely on mankind to achieve, one is the ability to produce ever-better ways of killing people, the other is finding ways to turn almost anything into a competitive sport.

At times, these may appear to converge into one single idea...

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 10:53:55 GMT

Mmmmmmm. Reminds me of the Classic racing I saw at Cadwell a long time ago. 500-650 Nortons and the like, pitted against 250 Yams and other strokers. Bass and treble. A wonderful soundtrack, while I lay on the grass by the Mountain. Bright sunshine, warm day, excellent.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:08:41 GMT

Caught something slightly unusual as part of the British Superbike package at Oulton Park over the weekend - the occasional and rarely-televised Lansdowne Classic race. Mostly consisting of Manx Nortons and Matchless G50s, it's a classic-based series with some obviously modern aftermarket parts allowed (and, given the lean angles being used, modern - albeit very, very skinny - tyres). Most entertaining it was, too. I'm not sure if it's cheating a bit to allow modern kit parts, but I guess I can't begrudge people not wanting to spank up a completely original classic given the effort it takes to restore them.

Anyway, it was nice to see something a bit different in amongst the latest sportsbikes:

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 09:26:10 GMT

Hehe - I like the way the Urinal is still fitted with a centre stand, just in case you want to take off the chair and use it as a solo. As if! I agree about using things like Busas for sidecar work. It's totally illogical, although when you think about what a sidecar combo is, it's hardly sensible either. The only justification for fitting an asymmetric frame and wheel to a perfectly logical two-wheeled vehicle is economic necessity - teenage biker gets married and has kids, but can't afford a car, sort of thing. To commit that kind of offence against reason and the laws of physics voluntarily seems a bit of a crime. I suppose it's just one of those quirky things that biking throws up now and again. Thank heavens for that.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 01:29:43 GMT

Love that film: possibly my favourite war movie of all time! (The book wasn't half bad, either: a much underrated author, in my opinion. To write "HMS Ulysses" as a debut is quite some achievement...)

I don't mind the plain Dalesman, in actual fact. I've seen some very modern outfits based around Blackbirds and Hayabusas, but for me they don't look right - or fit the idea I have of a sidecar. Straight-up retro looks are far more appealing. Not to mention safer. And, to be honest, it seems a complete waste of something like a Hayabusa to bolt a chair to it!

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:20:07 GMT

I wanted one of those German Army ones ever since seeing Where Eagles Dare. Awesome stunts.

It's the plain old Dalesman that I like. Nice and red and sturdy.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:30:24 GMT

Difficult to say, having never ridden one, whether it's agricultural as in sturdy and heavy-duty performer or agricultural as in clunky, overweight and underpowered. At the time, it was certainly noticeable that many parts of the brand-new Ural bore more than a passing resemblance to an early 80s BMW R100 often parked next to it at work. Since the Beemer's done over 100k miles with few problems, that may not be altogether a bad thing.

I had a quick look at the main importer's website (F2 Motorcycles) earlier, and the Urals have certainly come on in price and number of shiny bits in the past few years. Which may also be a good thing. If the importers are on the level with their description, it sounds like the CBG probably had it right, so perhaps the antique looks are a deliberate selling point rather than an indicator of the riding experience.

Possibly ironically, I notice they're also selling a new Jawa 650 - which looks a lot like a Mk1 Honda Hornet to me. What next, a CZ revival?

Anyhow, regardless of whether it's rubbish or not, I really like the looks (if not the name) of the Dalesman Gear-Up:

Not dissimilar to the original BMW R75 off-road outfit as commissioned by the Wehrmacht. All it needs is a chair-mounted MG-42 for authenticity. Oh, and the sidecar on the right, I guess.

But, yep, that's biking !

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 10:58:35 GMT

I have no desire for anything agricultural. I had a twin-cylinder Jawa in the 70s, and that was agricultural. Everything was twice as heavy as it needed to be, clumsy and made from poor materials. It was joyless to ride, and let me down regularly. However, the CBG article suggests that the Russkis have been developing the design for the last 50 years, and that it is now quite good. What Beemers would have been if they had continued down the rugged workhorse path, not the lifestyle path. The Urinal seems to me to be the equivalent of the Santana vehicle (not sure if you know this - it's basically a Series 3 Land Rover built under licence in Spain, but brought up to date, and is pretty good).

I just fancy an outfit, that's all! I would probably have it for six months and change my mind, but hey - that's biking.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 01:04:13 GMT

I wonder if it's still the same importer as about seven years ago - chap at work actually bought one. Traded in his Virago 1100 for it - I don't know if that classes as a bargain or not! That was all black with gold detailing and it really was a fascinatingly agricultural piece of machinery. Every part of it seemed to be made from pressed steel or bakelite: if memory serves, they're still made using BMW factory dies captured in Poland and Czechoslavakia during WWII. Basically, an antique R75 with chair. Some quite amusing touches, like the sprung saddles, the enormous reverse gear lever and, of course, the Russian "Urinal" logo.

It was stupidly cheap, however - and, as you say, the importer pretty much stripped each one down and rebuilt it with something like late 20th century engineering tolerances. The finish isn't fantastically durable, it must be admitted - although probably not significantly more fragile than 80s Yamahas or Suzukis, it doesn't actually start out as polished as them, either. But it does seem quite a ruggedly reliable thing. The only real problem I know of (admittedly, it was quite a bad one...) was when the drive shaft snapped. Total cost of replacement: £39...which probably buys you one tooth of the shaft bevel on an equivalent modern BMW...

He's still got it, anyway, and it's still going strong. Not bad for something that cost less than 3 grand new.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:11:16 GMT

In the current edition of one of the classic mags (CBG, I think), they have a test of the 'latest' Ural sidecar outfit. It looks really good in bold red, and has a number of concessions to modernity like a front disc brake. Best of all, the importer partially strips each one before sale, and fettles all the adjustments to the standard that he expects his customers will demand. And then he puts it all back together with Copaslip and treats the underneath bits to a coat of ACF50. That sounds like a good plan to me. I've read the article twice and I really want one!

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:46:13 GMT

I do love the idea of people making very silly mechanical things - it formed the basis of pretty much all my ventures into childhood Meccano - so a very definite salute to the creative pioneer spirit. It is a bit of a shame that many of the underlying ideas are, shall we say, a bit lacking in practicality. All that effort to fabricate something the infamous diesel Enfield has already proved will be a bit like a motorcycle, only rubbish...

Perhaps some of the Scandinavian and Russian lads have a bit of justification. For a start, they seem to favour converting Dneprs and Urals, which are pretty abysmal to begin with. I can't imagine diesel power delivery is significantly more leaden (sic) than the 1930s vintage boxer flat-twins that come as standard. And at least they can warm the fuel tank up with a blowtorch in the depths of winter. Not recommended with petrol motorcycles.

But, no, under any normal circumstance a diesel would be some way removed from my powerplant of choice. Somewhere below compressed air, in fact.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:38:05 GMT

Choices, choices ... I know the Pan's gotta go, but which of these is going to replace it? I like the second one, but I'd be worried for the family jewels with that chain run.

Seriously, putting a diesel engine in a motorbike is just silly. As daft as a two-stroke in a 18-wheeler. Totally inappropriate power delivery.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 23:39:47 GMT

Browsing the weird and wonderful world on the web eventually brought me to this site... www.dieselbike.net. Both fascinating, and utterly full of loons whose entire purpose in life is apparently to shoehorn some mismatched cycle parts and a car engine together, before meeting up in a large field somewhere.

As ever, in the niche world of themed specials builders, the entire spectrum of quality and competency is represented, from the Track T800 production model:

- which is quite reminiscent of the Suzuki V-Strom in looks - to this, erm, whatever-it-is:

...which has a 2bhp motor and a working winch (!) and is apparently completely rideable.

I don't know that it fills me with the urge to strap a Citroen engine to my busted TDM, but it is quite a fascinating site. Nice to know that innovation is out there, even if some it very closely resembles an evolutionary dead-end.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 10:49:55 GMT

Mmmmm ... chopping the Pan for one of those before my next long trip

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:32:02 GMT

Nail and head, there. The Yamaha engineers allegedly took the Buell design brief and tried to better it, although apparently without Erik's flair for making the combination of big V-twin and streetfighter into something appealing. There again, Mr Buell is an engineer first...

Something rather more down-to-earth today. It's been pictured in a number of places, most recently in a sort of purplish colour, but this baby is a hand-built project from somewhere in deepest Russia. No idea what the specs are, although it's obviously a bitsa wrapped around some sort of V8. But that, to me, is what a project bike should be - handmade in someone's shed, not the product of wads of cash being chucked at a specials builder to make something unique on the owner's behalf. It may be ugly (actually, I don't think there's much doubt on that) and crudely put together, but you gotta respect that the bloke actually built it at all. Presumably on a very tight budget, and without much regard for smoothing out welds! Anyway, I rather like it:

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:04:46 GMT

Anything that tries to 'look like' something (Transformers and hostile insects seem to be favourite themes at the moment) gets ignored by me. Let form follow function and all will be well. Put the stylists ahead of the engineers and the result is always a schoolboy's wet dream rather than a 'proper' bike. Funny, though - that first attempt at the style in the left-hand picture reminds me very much of a Buell ...

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:35:38 GMT

Again, not particularly "mad", but rather epitomising the way "concept" bikes never actually get into true production: the Yamaha MT-01. Started life as the potential successor to the V-max, debuting at the Tokyo show in 1999 as a stripped-to-the-bone torque monster that was basically just an excuse to hang a 1600cc cruiser engine in the tiniest of chassis. So far, so good. Until it finally surfaced in 2005, minus most of the good bits:

(Concept and production, respectively). The proddie version is distinguished by having 1670cc, producing a feeble sub-90 hp (although, to be fair, an eye-watering amount of torque). The uber-naked looks have been filled in, particularly with that hideous "Transformers - robots in disguise" face between the cylinders. The rear shock is now conventionally placed, but they hung on to the incredibly impractical exhausts...weird. In fact, despite the monstrous engine, it's basically not as good as a V-max. Buy it only if you need bragging rights on cubic capacity.

It came to my attention, in fact, when a work colleague announced he wanted to get back into biking (inexperienced rider, hung up his lid a number of years ago after falling off an Eliminator 400) and had decided the MT-01 was the way to go. And whilst I consider it a pretty underpowered old slug of a thing, anything that hefty and with that much torque is always going to be a bit of a handful for the unwary. My advice was forget it, look in the middleweight-ish streetbike bracket for the moment. He did actually paddle one around on a dealer forecourt, briefly...before leaving a deposit on a Yamaha Fazer (and was pleased as Punch about it, too - good for 'im)!

So there's the question - it's a bike that's pitched towards the experienced rider, but doesn't really compete at any level with anything else out there. So, ground-breaking trailblazer, or naff white elephant? You decide...

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 01:24:11 GMT

Guess you don't like those stupid LED eyeliners either! They'd look so much - well, not better, but at least a bit less rubbish if they were continuous rather than join-the-dots.

I like my bikes to be the product of engineers, not French kitchen appliance designers (for anyone who remembers Starck's so-desperately pretentious Aprilia Moto' 6.5) or art-school doodles from people who watched Akira too many times. It's quite rare even for "automotive designers" to come up trumps - for every Suzuki Katana, there's a laugh-out-loud Morbidelli V8. Which I have to include, as I haven't chuckled at one for a while:

Nice. Who wouldn't be proud to have coughed up £100,000 (really!) for one of these...? Designed by Pininfarina, of all people.

I'll happily take the plastic - fairings are pretty useful, after all - but only if it's wrapped round something that works the way it should. And isn't so ugly that small children burst into tears at the sight of it.

Trick - you're right about the B-King starting life as a concept, and it kinda supports my point of "what is the point?". The "Boost-King" originally was so named because it used a supercharged Hayabusa engine, a 240-section rear tyre and had more built-in electronics than you could shake a stick at. Including fingerprint recognition ignition, built-in satnav and a million other innovations. That was 2001, and it was going to be a monster - when it was finally released as a proddie model in 2007, it had lost all of that, along with the more radical styling touches and become...well, a fairly ordinary UJM. Like every other manufacturer's big post-retro-naked offering, it simply took the standard top-of the-range big sports engine (the Hayabusa, in this case) and, as it's a Suzuki, added the three-way power switch (to emasculate it down to a 600, for anyone who wanted the kudos but couldn't handle the power) from the GSXR range. All the unique stuff that made the concept a hard-as-nails Mad Max road missile just vanished. Now it might as well be a Yamaha XJR1300, a Honda CB1300 or even a Suzuki GSX1400. But they did keep a similar look, to fool the punters...

Concept and production models, respectively. Sum total innovation: zero...it's just a styling exercise. Or what manufacturers, if they were being honest, would call a "new model" rather than a "concept"!

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:26:29 GMT

They always look to me like the things that skoolboys draw on the back of their maths books: all style and graphic fantasy, with no nod to the function at all. In a way, this is why I prefer bikes to cars, and bikes like the Norton (above) to plastic rockets. Function should dictate the form, always. Anything else is just skoolboy dicking around. Look at the newer BMW cars, with their 'angry owl' headlights, or the new Audis with the LED eyebrows. 'Look, Mum, the car's got a face!' 'Yes, dear, and it looks jolly cross - best stay out of its way!' Complete d1ckchomping self-aggrandising fvckwittery. (There. Let's see if the sweary filter finds those.)

RE: Erm...mad!

Trick3003 — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 07:55:32 GMT

I'm pretty sure the BKing started off as a concept bike http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzuki_B-King

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 22:08:18 GMT

...think I can guess...!

Today: concept bikes. They get trotted out every year, and every year I think...what is the point? I can't think of any, off the top of my head, that have made it to production in anything like the shape of the original concept (although the original Suzuki Katana sprins to mind, I'm not sure it was ever shown as a "concept").

Anyway, there they are, perfectly shaped for all manner of non-humanoid beings, dripping with impractical technology that noone ever puts on a road bike and with all the general charm and style of a baboon's big red hairy @rse. Is it a running joke between manufacturers, I wonder? Can there be another, more rational explanation for the likes of these...

The 1987 Suzuki Nuda, complete with suede-covered tailpiece.

The Kawasaki 2004 ZZR-X, made with real Lego. Note handlebars mounted under the tank, for maximum inconvenience.

Honda's 2005 DN-01 800cc automatic bike/scooter. Perfect for midgets with really, really long arms and no taste at all.

Yamaha's Luxair of 2007. Like a big gold canal boat with a wheel at each end.

They're not even the worst offenders, as they do at least look something like a motorcycle (however impractical), from the big 4. It takes privateers to do the truly ridiculous:

Like this. The Victory Vision of 2006. Apparently marrying the front end of a Mallard locomotive and the back end from a Peugeot Streetfight. Must be so much fun trying to see traffic, road signs, small buildings etc in front of you...

Does anyone ever look at these and say: if only they'd produce them, I'd buy one?

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 12:13:34 GMT

That orange thing gave me a good laugh. The Segway looks pretty cool to me, but that just reminds me of a panny-farthing with all the attendant instability fore-and-aft. I found the reference I was looking for, and it's rubbish. It was in a copy of Bike from 1993, and referred to a vane engine being developed by a chap called James Wallace. It was alleged to be 70x200mm in size, and Yamaha (not Suzuki) had donated a carbon-fibre frame to assist in its development as a bike engine. That was 16 years ago, and Google shows nothing relating to this engine and that name, so I guess it must have died the death.

We have a bathroom and a shower room, so we are each able to colonise one and have our own reading material. The bathroom has Argos catalogues, Good Housekeeping and the Saturday colour mags from the papers; the shower room has - well - work it out for yourself.

Hehe.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 22:21:07 GMT

Not sure about the Suzuki project. I know they were working with GM on hybrid technology and shared production lines, until GM had to sell their Suzuki shareholdings last year, but I guess it's not a hybrid motor! Vane engines seem quite interesting, sort of a variable rotary unit (yep, had to look it up) but I hadn't seen anything about them in a motorcycle context.

There are quite a few clean two-stroke projects around: Aprilia have their DiTech (Direct Injection) system in production at Euro-3 level, Orbital do ADI (air-assisted DI) and Evinrude have the Ficht (named after the manufacturing company) DI unit - but neither of those are currently used for bikes - and Honda allegedly have ARC (Activated Radical Combustion) - but in inscrutable fashion claim that they couldn't sell it to the public as it'd be too powerful for road-going two-strokes. Nothing to do with their business strategy of steering all bike racing (and hence all road bikes) towards four-stroke classes, then... The last big thing I remember was the Boyesen E-TEC motor (last year?) which was all about running the exhaust valve off the crankshaft in order to keep the mix in the cylinder until it was fully burnt.

I'm not allowed to keep my references in the bathroom. Have to sneak them in and out when the missus isn't looking!

Oh, and today's wacky technology "improvement"...the Canadian "Uno". Basically, it's a Segway type thing, using two self-balancing gyros and an electric motor. Apparently good for 40mph.

No, I can't see the point either. Even the inventor can't get it to go around corners above 15mph. Not since the Sinclair C5 has there been a more pointless answer to a question nobody actually asked...ie: exactly how stupid a vehicle can I put on the road?

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:52:51 GMT

I have read quite recently of two developments in the powerplant area, but I can't for the life of me find where I read about them! Typical, can't find my glasses, etc. One was an engine which was much smaller than the equivalent IC engine, about the size of a thick book (the words 'vane engine' come to mind, but I have looked it up and I don't think it's that). Apparently, Suzuiki are interested in it, for the prospect of using the extra room inside the frame to shorten the Gixxer's wheelbase even more, while having an even longer swinging arm. The other was a project to build a zero-emissions two-stroke, which looked fearsomely complicated, but which would have many advantages over traditional power plants.

Endo, you probably know all about these already, but if I can find the sources [1] I will post more.

[1] They are somewhere in the pile on my bathroom floor, ho ho.

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:43:36 GMT

I'm not sure I figured out image links either: I tend to save them to hard disk, then upload 'em. Philosophy - disk is cheap, my time isn't, and this site does have a number of software "features" that I've never been bothered to explore...

Mad usage is good! I particularly like the safety-conscious footwear and use of the exhaust as somewhere to rest it - hope they're not going much of a distance...

Sorry lads, I rather like slab-siders (see also: RF900R)! The modern Norton design is a thing of great beauty, but I have fond memories of the fag-packet paint jobs. A little dated now, but with pedigree. Rather like Honda's NR750...I still want one!

The Wankel idea wasn't a great step forward, practically. Like so many other technological dead ends, it probably seemed like a good idea at the time...especially during a period of quite extensive manufacturer experimentation. In racing, though, it was perfectly placed to exploit the rules like crazy - I'm sure that was Norton's main aim, even if not Suzuki's. It's a good engine - my brother runs a Mazda RX-7 - but no real improvement on a conventional one. And it's an absolute pain having to replace the rotor tips at far-too-regular intervals.

RE: Erm...mad!

Black Dog — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 19:17:29 GMT

I love the first one - see how removing the legshields gives that trackday racer appearance! The second one is just cruelty to dumb motorcycles.

I think the modern Norton looks the business - the earlier one, like the early slab-sided GSXR models, just looks clumsy to me. I have never been convinced by the rotary concept, I have to say. I drooled over one of the early Suzuki RE-5s when one turned up in the car park of a pub I was leaving, and was even more impressed when the girl - er - performer who had been showing her talents in the pub came out and got on the back of it and was whisked away by her boyfriend. But then I went home and read a detailed technical article on the engine (it was probably LJK Setright in Bike) and started to wonder why Suzuki had bothered. A massively complex engine that needed two separate cooling systems and two separate lubrication systems, to produce less power than the GT750 and use more fuel in doing so - what was the point?

The problem with the Wankel (always good for a laugh, that one) was that it came at a time when two-strokes would produce more power, more reliably, and use less fuel, with fewer working parts making the manufacture much cheaper. And really, modern four-strokes are so good these days that it's going to take something astonishing to push the reciprocating engine from its current dominant position.

RE: Erm...mad!

Trick3003 — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:17:59 GMT

I'm not so sure Endo, that Norton is rather lovely looking!

Maybe not strange due to the bikes themselves...but the people on it

Couldnt figure out how to link images, so they are attached

RE: Erm...mad!

endemoniada_88 — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:01:44 GMT

Can't much fault the Manx for being an absolute classic - I love the stripped-down simplicity of it.

But, if we're talking Nortons, I do have a fondness for the 588 rotaries:

Those of an age will probably remember them hooning around the Isle of Man in 80s/90s in the hands of Hislop, Spray and Nation. Not unsuccessfully, either - but then, there weren't any rules to equate the swept volume of a Wankel rotary with standard cylinders, so they did end up with effectively double the engine capacity of anything else out there. That's innovation for ya!

Speaking of which, the Norton name is now back in Britain, following the pie-in-th-sky Nemesis project (not pictured, because they never built any) - and with the discovery of an old batch of unused rotary engines, the 588 was reborn:

Sadly, didn't manage to qualify at this year's TT (might have done, had an accident not reduced Senior qualifying time drastically). But it did do a parade lap. Proddie version may be available soon, to be built in a small factory at Donington...

I'd rather have an original, though.